watch out, i'm back and inspired

i'm back. on so many levels, i'm back.

my week has been exhilarating. i've been reading maestro ben zander's book, The Art of Possibility, a book that i've owned for a while, just had trouble taking off with. i needed a book that i could read on my flights last week, and it seemed to be the right fit in my carry on. it is really a fantastic book for anyone wanting a new perspective and maybe a challenge or the permission to be more. there are tools in the book, which are simply creative, and very simple in concept. i challenged myself to incorporated a few of these concepts this week. in doing so, i found myself feeling lighter, having more success at the tasks at hand, as well as giving others around me the opportunity to have more success at what they were trying to accomplish. i gave myself permission to not take myself so seriously, and in doing so, became more present in everything i was doing. my focus was different, my confidence was different, even my attention to others was different.

i've always had a difficult time relaxing enough and taking the risks necessary to give jazz improv a try. for years, i would play in a steel band quartet or trio, and the leader would ask me if i would like to take a solo. the thought of it at the time terrified me. i had no idea what to do, how to think, what scales to use, what rhythms to use, how to just let go and try. i was so fearful of making a fool out of myself. no confidence at all. so, i always politely said "no thank you," and continued to play my usual part. lately, i've been playing flute with a wonderful guitarist friend of mine, and we've been looking at some of the jazz standards, which i really love to play. we were discussing form, and he said, "you should solo over the head of the piece a couple of times" and i agreed, and sheepishly said, i'll work it out. and to my astonishment, he said, "right now, give it a try." in that moment, i recalled something from ben's book. the next thing i knew, i abandoned my fear, gave myself permission to not only try, but to be successful at it, and moments later, i was improvising over a the chords to How Insensitive. after my first attempt, which was pretty good (no miles or mingus by any means), my friend and i had some great discussion about strategies, and all of a sudden, something clicked, like my mind was opened to a new possibility. we spent the next hour playing that tune, and i improvised a long time, and enjoyed it. i went that same evening to the city library and picked out 10 or so cds and several more jazz fake books to follow along, and then spent my evening listening to thelonius monk, and following the chord progressions. so much fun!

other memorable moments of my exhilarating week include, but are not limited to: reconnecting with a lost high school friend and listening to his beautiful story, spending today lunching, joking and errand running with my beloved grandma, having some breakthrough moments with a few flute students, playing piccolo on Schuman's New England Triptych at tonight's Dayton Philharmonic concert, and having an uncomfortable and somewhat dissonant discussion afterward with my husband, which resolved on a beautiful chord, though we were both emotionally drained from it.

i'm so grateful for the people who are in my life. the timing is always perfect. they always share something that i'm supposed to hear in that moment. between hearing "right now, give it a try" and hearing my friend talk about the last 14 years of his life, i heard exactly what i needed to hear.

for years i was concerned about this friend of mine. he was someone that i sincerely cared about. he moved, we totally lost touch, and i didn't know how to catch up with him. several times a year, i would just sit and wonder how his life ended up and what he was doing. i actually wondered once or twice if he was alive. you know, it is easy to underestimate the impact someone can have on your life, or greater yet, the impact that you have on someone else's life, either negatively or positively. once i heard his story, i felt an indescribable sense of relief, utter joy and peace, the kind of lingers with you for days. The whole experience -- the being concerned and wondering, the listening, and the sense of peace, reinforces in my mind how much purpose we all have, and that there is an unseen hand always there to guide... What beautiful hope that brings to me as so many of us are going through what feels like uncharted waters without a compass. we can choose to walk in love and light, being unafraid of what is to come, knowing that we are not alone on this journey.

I miss writing.

It has been over a year since I've taken time to write here. Life has been busy.

I keep telling one of my students, that life is all about change. It's the only constant thing that exists. Change. Everyday we are presented with new perspectives, new feelings, new relationships, new pulls for our time, new interests, new opportunities, new losses, new successes, as well as new challenges. This is life. I saw her eyes light up. No one immune to it. We all must go through change.

This year change has approached me in a variety of ways, and seemingly seasonal. In the winter, I decided to take some time for me, to visit North Carolina as well as a old friend. It was a trip that enlightened me, introduced me to some new friends, taught me about health, and opened my eyes to how important having a group of trusted female friends really is for me. I was always the girl who hung out with the boys. They weren't catty and they were laid back. Beginning in my mid-20s, I began developing a wonderful circle of women who definitely aren't catty, but who are creative, who accept me and who really listen. Springtime came, and as flowers were slowly opening from their winter slumber, I, too, opened up to several friends about an on-going issue I was having. Terrifying as it was, much relief came after it was out. Right behind that, came a CD project (which is just about finished). It's a Celtic CD with my group White Orchid. The CD is called "A Memory's Journey." Upon summer's arrival, I found myself, and continue to find myself all stirred up and restless, with a lack of focus, lack of energy, lack of time, and lack of desire for most things. With an unobtainable carrot dangling out in front of me, I feel unfulfilled and yet my life is more beautiful, richer and fuller than it has ever been.

What's For Dinner?

It seems whenever we have a dinner guest, my need to experiment in the kitchen is always present. My mother-in-law is coming this evening, and though she isn't picky or critical, like some mother-in-laws, I decided to try some new recipes out on her. I had in mind to have a "old fashioned Sunday night dinner" on a dull and grey Thursday instead, but didn't want to use the same pot roast recipe that my mom and I have used for years. I caught Tyler's Ultimate Sunday Dinner on Food Network last week, and am using his entire menu. Wish me luck!

Pot Roast with Vegetables
Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Honey Butter
Herbed Butter Parsnips
Chocolate Cracked Earth (love the title)

For the recipes, see:
Tyler's Ultimate Sunday Dinner