How is it already the end of the month? We're one step closer to Spring and to warmer weather.
The last couple of weeks have been somewhat of a test for me, but good things are coming of them. My mind is quieter, my energy is returning, and I have more time for others. Puccini, my new greyhound pup has changed my life a lot too. He requires more maintenance and attention than the cats do. He's taking me out for many a crisp walk. The fresh air is doing me good. I'm not much of a dog fan, but Puccini is one hip dog. And he doesn't smell bad like most dogs.
Spontaneity is a good thing. Thanks Craig and Lindsey for being flexible enough on short notice to get together for some Celtic music. I miss you guys and playing Celtic music together. That was fun!
The living room is getting painted this week. It's been a long time coming. It looks awesome. We're going for an art gallery/zen feel with pure white walls (and one charcoal colored wall) to display original art work and photography and to highlight the beveled glass door. The room gets filled with glorious sunlight all day long. The floors, fireplace, furniture, and accents will all be very simple, very nature inspired with a mixture of neutrals, wood & metal tones, and textures.
My practice this week has been relaxed and free. It feels good and has been productive.
My kitchen has been my canvas this week. It feels good to make time for cooking, both for us and for others. It feels even better to eat healthier again.
Communication with all family and friends has been easy and on a rise.
Maybe I'm officially out of my post-holiday funk. I feel better. Hopefully it will continue into March. In just a few months my butterfly garden will wake from its sleepy slumber and the butterflies will once again gracefully dance with their shiny, thin wings among the flowers. They are such a delight, somehow always reminding me to live as freely and with as much grace as they do. For the moment, I will continue to enjoy the crisp air, and the sound of the nearby creeks, very much alive with the cold melting snow.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Looking Inward and Forward
Time away from home and my busy schedule is a little taste of Heaven for me. (I didn't say that I didn't miss home and those dwelling in my home.) I enjoy the time away to slow down, reflect on where my life's path has meandered, look forward to where possibilities lie, and take inventory of my own current needs, which I sometimes forget about.
Though I'm off making music in another state, I'm learning about my deficiencies as a musician, a human, a daughter, and a wife. I'm also realizing new strengths that were unknown to me. I love opportunity, and I was taught to take as many of them as I can. This year, the opportunities have been plentiful, and I've reached a state of chaos and unbalance. My career path of music and of teaching music, hands me more work than I should take on. I've overextended myself, and now I feel I fail each area of my life just a little bit, out of lack of time. My art is suffering, my relationships are suffering, my mental, physical and spiritual states are suffering.
I want to live more simply, with mindfulness and intention.
I want a life of not spending 2 or more hours in the car a day, wasting resources, time and physical energy driving to one of my jobs where the return value is not greater than or equal to the given value. I want to focus more on my own art---performing and studying, perhaps less on teaching it. I want to be fresh, and a better teacher for my students, not worn out, lacking energy and creativity. I want to find, rediscover, and feel my passion again, and to be able to see and feel others' passions again. I want to spend time in meditation, in communicating and communion with my family and friends, and in exercising my body and my mind.
I want to gain control of my life again.
Reclaiming my life means making sacrifices and living with a feeling of letting people down, or leaving people behind. That is hard for me, as I have a strong sense of loyalty to people. Reclaiming life, might be best in a new place, with a new opportunity. It would be like starting over. The opportunity exists, and could mean a move in the next 1 to 5 months. It would mean abandoning all other opportunities that I have accepted in the past 10 or 12 years. That is a little hard to let go of. I do not fear change. I embrace it and thrive on it. Change has always been the constant in my life.
What to do, what to do....???
Though I'm off making music in another state, I'm learning about my deficiencies as a musician, a human, a daughter, and a wife. I'm also realizing new strengths that were unknown to me. I love opportunity, and I was taught to take as many of them as I can. This year, the opportunities have been plentiful, and I've reached a state of chaos and unbalance. My career path of music and of teaching music, hands me more work than I should take on. I've overextended myself, and now I feel I fail each area of my life just a little bit, out of lack of time. My art is suffering, my relationships are suffering, my mental, physical and spiritual states are suffering.
I want to live more simply, with mindfulness and intention.
I want a life of not spending 2 or more hours in the car a day, wasting resources, time and physical energy driving to one of my jobs where the return value is not greater than or equal to the given value. I want to focus more on my own art---performing and studying, perhaps less on teaching it. I want to be fresh, and a better teacher for my students, not worn out, lacking energy and creativity. I want to find, rediscover, and feel my passion again, and to be able to see and feel others' passions again. I want to spend time in meditation, in communicating and communion with my family and friends, and in exercising my body and my mind.
I want to gain control of my life again.
Reclaiming my life means making sacrifices and living with a feeling of letting people down, or leaving people behind. That is hard for me, as I have a strong sense of loyalty to people. Reclaiming life, might be best in a new place, with a new opportunity. It would be like starting over. The opportunity exists, and could mean a move in the next 1 to 5 months. It would mean abandoning all other opportunities that I have accepted in the past 10 or 12 years. That is a little hard to let go of. I do not fear change. I embrace it and thrive on it. Change has always been the constant in my life.
What to do, what to do....???
Thich Nhat Hahn, notes from Teachings on Love
From Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hahn
* Love with intention but without understanding is not true love.
* To love with understanding, we must look deeply to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and sufferings of one another.
* To live and love with compassion, we must have deep concern, listen and look deeply at one another, be in deep communication and communion with one another, so that we can grasp each other's pain, and offer some relief.
* Happiness relates to mind and body; Joy relates to the mind. Joy offers peace and contentment.
* Dwell in mindfulness...
* Equanimity = nonattachement, nondiscrimination, evenmindedness, "letting go"
* there is no "self," there is no "other"
* Freedom is preserved in true love. True love does not use another to fulfull the self.
* Interbeing nature of Immeasureable Minds -- True love is filled with compassion, joy, and equanimity. True compassion is filled with joy, love, and equanimity. True joy is filled with love, equanimity, and compassion. True equanimity is filled with love, joy and compassion.
* Love with intention but without understanding is not true love.
* To love with understanding, we must look deeply to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and sufferings of one another.
* To live and love with compassion, we must have deep concern, listen and look deeply at one another, be in deep communication and communion with one another, so that we can grasp each other's pain, and offer some relief.
* Happiness relates to mind and body; Joy relates to the mind. Joy offers peace and contentment.
* Dwell in mindfulness...
* Equanimity = nonattachement, nondiscrimination, evenmindedness, "letting go"
* there is no "self," there is no "other"
* Freedom is preserved in true love. True love does not use another to fulfull the self.
* Interbeing nature of Immeasureable Minds -- True love is filled with compassion, joy, and equanimity. True compassion is filled with joy, love, and equanimity. True joy is filled with love, equanimity, and compassion. True equanimity is filled with love, joy and compassion.
Salvation & Peace
I jotted this down the other day, but forget the source..... It wasn't a bathroom stall.
"The way to salvation leads neither to the left nor the right; it leads into your own heart, and there alone is God, and there alone is peace."
"The way to salvation leads neither to the left nor the right; it leads into your own heart, and there alone is God, and there alone is peace."
Hermann Hesse, an excerpt from Demian
Over recent months I have been taking time to study a bit of Hermann Hesse, having read first Siddartha, followed by Journey to the East, Wanderer, a portion of Beneath the Wheel, and now Demian. Several of Hesse's themes seem to nest within me, and as I currently desire and aspire to have what I dream real communication and communion to be, the following passage from Demian struck a resonate chord within me.
"Genuine communion," said Demian, "is a beautiful thing. But what we see flourishing everywhere is nothing of the kind. The real spirit will come from knowledge that separate individuals have of one another and for a time it will transform the world. The community spirit at present is only a manifestation of the herd instinct. Men fly into each other's arms because they are afraid of each other -- the owners are for themselves, the workers for themselves, the scholars for themselves! And why are they afraid? You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because thhey have never owened up to themselves. A whole society composed of men afraid of the unknown within them! They all sense that the rules they live by are no longer valid, that they live according to archaic laws--neither their religion nor their mortality is in any way suited to the needs of the present. For a hundred years or more Europe has done nothing but study and build factories! They know exactly how many ouces of powder it takes to kill a man but they don't know how to pray to God, they don't even know how to be happy for a single contented hour."
"Genuine communion," said Demian, "is a beautiful thing. But what we see flourishing everywhere is nothing of the kind. The real spirit will come from knowledge that separate individuals have of one another and for a time it will transform the world. The community spirit at present is only a manifestation of the herd instinct. Men fly into each other's arms because they are afraid of each other -- the owners are for themselves, the workers for themselves, the scholars for themselves! And why are they afraid? You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because thhey have never owened up to themselves. A whole society composed of men afraid of the unknown within them! They all sense that the rules they live by are no longer valid, that they live according to archaic laws--neither their religion nor their mortality is in any way suited to the needs of the present. For a hundred years or more Europe has done nothing but study and build factories! They know exactly how many ouces of powder it takes to kill a man but they don't know how to pray to God, they don't even know how to be happy for a single contented hour."
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Tchaikovsky Quote
"Music is not illusion, but revelation rather. Its triumphant power resides in the fact that it reveals to us beauties we find nowhere else."
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