What's For Dinner?

It seems whenever we have a dinner guest, my need to experiment in the kitchen is always present. My mother-in-law is coming this evening, and though she isn't picky or critical, like some mother-in-laws, I decided to try some new recipes out on her. I had in mind to have a "old fashioned Sunday night dinner" on a dull and grey Thursday instead, but didn't want to use the same pot roast recipe that my mom and I have used for years. I caught Tyler's Ultimate Sunday Dinner on Food Network last week, and am using his entire menu. Wish me luck!

Pot Roast with Vegetables
Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Honey Butter
Herbed Butter Parsnips
Chocolate Cracked Earth (love the title)

For the recipes, see:
Tyler's Ultimate Sunday Dinner

Anaïs Nin - An Excerpt from Children of the Albatross

"In art, in history man fights his fears, he wants to live forever, he is afraid of death, he wants to work with other men, he wants to live forever. He is like a child afraid of death. The child is afraid of death, of darkness, of solitude. Such simple fears behind all the elaborate constructions. Such simple fears as hunger for light, warmth, love. Such simple fears behind the elaborate constructions of art. Examine them all gently and quietly through the eyes of a boy. There is always a human being lonely, confused. Concealing and disguising his dependence, in too vast and too complex a world. Because of all we have discovered about a leaf...it is still a leaf. Can we relate to a leaf, on a tree, in a park, a simple leaf: green, glistening, sun-bathed or wet, or turning white because the storm is coming. Like the savage, let us look at the leaf wet or shining with sun, or white with fear of the storm, or silvery in the fog, or listless in too great heat, or falling in the autumn, drying, reborn each year anew. Learn from the leaf: its nerve structure phyllome cellular papilla parenchyma stomata venation. Keep a human relation - leaf, man, woman, child. In tenderness. No matter how immense the world, how elaborate, how contradictory, there is always man, woman, child, and the leaf. Humanity makes everything warm and simple. Humanity. Let the waters of humanity flow through the abstract city, through abstract art, weeping like rivulets cracking rocky mountains, melting icebergs. The frozen worlds in empty cages of mobiles where hearts lie exposed like wires in an electric bulb. Let them burst at the tender touch of a leaf."

Awake!

As winter morphs into spring, leaving behind it's overcast blue-grey skies, trickling melting snow, and cold, beautifully clear and quiet early morning skies behind, my heart, spirit and mind are refreshed, as if awaken from a dense slumber. My senses are heightened to the sounds of wind chimes tinkling on the breeze and birds happily gossiping to the world. Some of my garden is beginning to come alive again with green, and air is filled with the fresh sent of the ground as it's grasses and new growth wake from their deep sleep. It is a time of rebirth. Rebirth in the earth, rebirth in relationships, rebirth in attitudes, and rebirth of the spirit. Anything seems possible. Springtime is a season of hope and of optimism.

I feel a certain giddy happiness with springtime. It is easier to love, easier to get out and exercise, easier to do things that normally I procrastinate on (and believe me, the list is long!) Spring and all it's glorious details energizes me. (Ok, my husband might disagree with me, as I have fallen asleep before 10pm the last few nights, and I'm typically a night owl. My internal energy is on the rise, I should clarify.). Everything has such a happy glow and people seem more cheerful. It isn't, yet, too hot, and seemingly, there are miracles happening everywhere. My butterfly garden, now brown and covered over with last autumn's leaves and debris, will soon be hard to keep up with, full of flowers and butterflies. The lilac bush, that my flute students gave to us as a wedding gift, already has tiny buds on it, and has tripled in size from the day we received it. A few sunny daffodils paint the yard with a happy forshadowing of promises of joy yet to come. And my music studio is filled with the scent of a pot of blooming pink hyacinths, their blooms heavy and lying on the shelf. The cats have been spending this afternoon outside, lying on the driveway, bellies up or rolling about, sunning themselves. Oh, if only I were a cat, with nothing better to do. I suppose that I could go out and roll with them, but the neighbors might think I'm having a seizure or something and call 911. The sunshine feels so good.

I think that I'll spend the evening cleaning up the yard and the flower beds. It's hard not to be too anxious about getting flowers and plants (and my little hands) into the soil, but I know better. We've not seen the last frost yet. As beautiful as it is here, early spring can be deceptive and a little too inviting.

End of Month Shock

How is it already the end of the month? We're one step closer to Spring and to warmer weather.

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat of a test for me, but good things are coming of them. My mind is quieter, my energy is returning, and I have more time for others. Puccini, my new greyhound pup has changed my life a lot too. He requires more maintenance and attention than the cats do. He's taking me out for many a crisp walk. The fresh air is doing me good. I'm not much of a dog fan, but Puccini is one hip dog. And he doesn't smell bad like most dogs.

Spontaneity is a good thing. Thanks Craig and Lindsey for being flexible enough on short notice to get together for some Celtic music. I miss you guys and playing Celtic music together. That was fun!

The living room is getting painted this week. It's been a long time coming. It looks awesome. We're going for an art gallery/zen feel with pure white walls (and one charcoal colored wall) to display original art work and photography and to highlight the beveled glass door. The room gets filled with glorious sunlight all day long. The floors, fireplace, furniture, and accents will all be very simple, very nature inspired with a mixture of neutrals, wood & metal tones, and textures.

My practice this week has been relaxed and free. It feels good and has been productive.

My kitchen has been my canvas this week. It feels good to make time for cooking, both for us and for others. It feels even better to eat healthier again.

Communication with all family and friends has been easy and on a rise.

Maybe I'm officially out of my post-holiday funk. I feel better. Hopefully it will continue into March. In just a few months my butterfly garden will wake from its sleepy slumber and the butterflies will once again gracefully dance with their shiny, thin wings among the flowers. They are such a delight, somehow always reminding me to live as freely and with as much grace as they do. For the moment, I will continue to enjoy the crisp air, and the sound of the nearby creeks, very much alive with the cold melting snow.

Looking Inward and Forward

Time away from home and my busy schedule is a little taste of Heaven for me. (I didn't say that I didn't miss home and those dwelling in my home.) I enjoy the time away to slow down, reflect on where my life's path has meandered, look forward to where possibilities lie, and take inventory of my own current needs, which I sometimes forget about.

Though I'm off making music in another state, I'm learning about my deficiencies as a musician, a human, a daughter, and a wife. I'm also realizing new strengths that were unknown to me. I love opportunity, and I was taught to take as many of them as I can. This year, the opportunities have been plentiful, and I've reached a state of chaos and unbalance. My career path of music and of teaching music, hands me more work than I should take on. I've overextended myself, and now I feel I fail each area of my life just a little bit, out of lack of time. My art is suffering, my relationships are suffering, my mental, physical and spiritual states are suffering.

I want to live more simply, with mindfulness and intention.

I want a life of not spending 2 or more hours in the car a day, wasting resources, time and physical energy driving to one of my jobs where the return value is not greater than or equal to the given value. I want to focus more on my own art---performing and studying, perhaps less on teaching it. I want to be fresh, and a better teacher for my students, not worn out, lacking energy and creativity. I want to find, rediscover, and feel my passion again, and to be able to see and feel others' passions again. I want to spend time in meditation, in communicating and communion with my family and friends, and in exercising my body and my mind.

I want to gain control of my life again.

Reclaiming my life means making sacrifices and living with a feeling of letting people down, or leaving people behind. That is hard for me, as I have a strong sense of loyalty to people. Reclaiming life, might be best in a new place, with a new opportunity. It would be like starting over. The opportunity exists, and could mean a move in the next 1 to 5 months. It would mean abandoning all other opportunities that I have accepted in the past 10 or 12 years. That is a little hard to let go of. I do not fear change. I embrace it and thrive on it. Change has always been the constant in my life.

What to do, what to do....???

Thich Nhat Hahn, notes from Teachings on Love

From Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hahn

* Love with intention but without understanding is not true love.

* To love with understanding, we must look deeply to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and sufferings of one another.

* To live and love with compassion, we must have deep concern, listen and look deeply at one another, be in deep communication and communion with one another, so that we can grasp each other's pain, and offer some relief.

* Happiness relates to mind and body; Joy relates to the mind. Joy offers peace and contentment.

* Dwell in mindfulness...

* Equanimity = nonattachement, nondiscrimination, evenmindedness, "letting go"

* there is no "self," there is no "other"

* Freedom is preserved in true love. True love does not use another to fulfull the self.

* Interbeing nature of Immeasureable Minds -- True love is filled with compassion, joy, and equanimity. True compassion is filled with joy, love, and equanimity. True joy is filled with love, equanimity, and compassion. True equanimity is filled with love, joy and compassion.

Salvation & Peace

I jotted this down the other day, but forget the source..... It wasn't a bathroom stall.

"The way to salvation leads neither to the left nor the right; it leads into your own heart, and there alone is God, and there alone is peace."

Hermann Hesse, an excerpt from Demian

Over recent months I have been taking time to study a bit of Hermann Hesse, having read first Siddartha, followed by Journey to the East, Wanderer, a portion of Beneath the Wheel, and now Demian. Several of Hesse's themes seem to nest within me, and as I currently desire and aspire to have what I dream real communication and communion to be, the following passage from Demian struck a resonate chord within me.

"Genuine communion," said Demian, "is a beautiful thing. But what we see flourishing everywhere is nothing of the kind. The real spirit will come from knowledge that separate individuals have of one another and for a time it will transform the world. The community spirit at present is only a manifestation of the herd instinct. Men fly into each other's arms because they are afraid of each other -- the owners are for themselves, the workers for themselves, the scholars for themselves! And why are they afraid? You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because thhey have never owened up to themselves. A whole society composed of men afraid of the unknown within them! They all sense that the rules they live by are no longer valid, that they live according to archaic laws--neither their religion nor their mortality is in any way suited to the needs of the present. For a hundred years or more Europe has done nothing but study and build factories! They know exactly how many ouces of powder it takes to kill a man but they don't know how to pray to God, they don't even know how to be happy for a single contented hour."

Tchaikovsky Quote

"Music is not illusion, but revelation rather. Its triumphant power resides in the fact that it reveals to us beauties we find nowhere else."

New Communication Project

Just when I believe I am completely saturated to the max with information, and too many things to do, I start a new project. Makes sense, right?

My last blog entry has been a constant thought in my mind, either active, or there, but on pause. And from that thought came another, as is usually the case. That thought was to do some research on communication and also some on personality traits, surveying as many people from all walks of life that I can and write a book about it. In my search at the library for interesting books to check out (the ones I like are usually in the philosophy/psychology/music & art/religion areas), I became aware that there weren't really any books, at least at that particular library, discussing the topic of communication/communication styles. I'm not talking about a "how to" book, but more about the actual concept of communication. And so, as curiosity prods me to do it, I am out to write a book about communication & my findings.

I created my survey yesterday, and am looking for volunteers to answer a few (50) questions. Most are short answer questions, but a few of my questions are looking for a response with some thought behind it. If you are interested, please email me for the survey.

Off to hunt and gather....

On Friendship & Communication

Why is it difficult to make really good friends? I mean friends who you can go to a deeper level with? It is an issue for some of us. I have an easy time making new friends, but a difficult time getting past the surface with some people. I wrote the following thoughts yesterday in response to an email that I received.

(To me,) it is in the sharing intimate parts of ourselves with others, making ourselves slightly vulnerable, by allowing others to see us for who we are, that aid in facilitating the creation of deeper friendships. I think people, in general, are afraid to share too much with other people, perhaps unconsciously not wanting others to know that their lives aren't perfect, that they struggle sometimes, wander, come upon hardships, think differently from their friends on various issues, etc. They want to give the illusion that life is fine and that they are just like anyone else. They don't want to stick out, and so they stick to things that are not difficult to talk about, or that aren't shocking, disagreeable, potentially offensive, painful, honest, or too revealing. They play it safe. It's part of being human. Pride and cowardice get in the pathway of letting people in, to really get to know us for who we are, what we think, how we feel.... And as a result, the common, on-the-surface, friendship lives on, and on-the-surface banter, as you say, takes the form of how many might define conversation. I, too, struggle with this, with making new friends, and especially with communicating with my immediate family. I've thought a lot about why conversation has taken this form. I've even fallen into the trap of behaving that way, so as not to make others uncomfortable or to rock the societal boat. I, sometimes, deliberately take people out of their comfort zones by posing questions to, at the very least, try to start a deeper, more meaningful conversation. I think that the deeper conversations build deeper rooted connections with people. It is really difficult for some people to go there. And on my end, though I'd rather keep having those meaningful conversations, I often get tired of trying to take people there, not out of fear for how others perceive me, but just from feeling like I'm banging my head against a brick wall! Make any sense?

One of my struggles, as I've mentioned to you before, is my family. I love them, and I am loved by them, but there isn't a lot of connecting going on. Conversations are very surfacy, and very short. My aunt, who happens to be an aunt by marriage, is my one deep-rooted familial connection. Perhaps my maternal grandmother as well, and that's it, which frustrates me to no end. My brother and I talk a couple of times a week, but usually about his party lifestyle and his work, and then he has to go. He won't let me in.

My thoughts on why society leans towards this type of friendship and communication system.... The age of the parlor room is long gone. A room devoted to sitting and conversing, discussing and debating anything and everything is long past, and our attention, thanks or no thanks to rapid fire and ever "improving" technology, has shifted. People are so busy doing things, running here and there, with the convenience of being able to do just about anything or get anything in a comparatively short amount of time, that there isn't the time for deep-rooted thought, or the pursuit of encouraging that thought through study, or time for meaningful conversation. As we have the ability to get more things done, and multi-task more in a shorter period of time, we, as well as others, expect us to get more accomplished in the same amount of time, which doesn't always happen, as multiple distractions arise, etc. My impression is that a good majority of people spend very little time really thinking about much of anything, even about their relationships or themselves (other than on a surface level). And if they aren't really thinking about anything, then they haven't much to really talk about. It saddens me. And it feels like an uphill battle.

Perhaps, this is why I've been struggling lately. I've been busy, and most of my life-supports (deep-rooted friends) have been busy and the last month has been void of real connecting with people.
In thinking about the root of "communication," I looked up the word "commune" on a couple of online dictionaries for an exact definition. Here are two that I found.

v 1: communicate intimately with; be in a state of heightened, intimate receptivity
1. To converse together with sympathy and confidence; to interchange sentiments or feelings; to take counsel.

These definitions fit how I perceive and prefer communication, but I think that most of society has lost these meanings. And so, if real communication has somewhat slipped by the wayside, what will happen in the future? I shutter to think about it. And in the meantime, I hold tight to my close friends, and keep a sharp lookout for anyone willing to reminisce about how to truly communicate and are even willing to try it out. We're a relatively small group of people, I think.

Post-Holiday Hiking Pics

Photography by Amy Roark-Oblak
Hocking Hills, Ohio
December 2006

Photography by Amy Roark-Oblak
Hocking Hills, Ohio
December 2006


Photography by Amy Roark-Oblak
Hocking Hills, Ohio
December 2006


Photography by Amy Roark-Oblak
Hocking Hills, Ohio
December 2006


Photography by Amy Roark-Oblak
Hocking Hills, Ohio
December 2006